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Who is the Mississippi Mermaid?
Her decision to go public follows a rash of calls to the Driskill Mountain Wildlife & Oddities Department.
“We’ve had no fewer than 47 calls this summer alone,” said department director Earl P. Boudreaux. “Most of them go something like, ‘There’s a woman with a fish tail in my pond, please remove."
The following was transcribed from her first public statement, delivered outside the local Piggly Wiggly on a stationary shopping cart:
"Hello, Darlin'.
I've been swimming these river waters for about 3,749 years. That's a long time to float and think.
Have I got a tail for you...
SHORT POEMS!
EASY TO READ!
HARD TO FORGET!
I just wanna help ya keep swimmin'...
these are my messages in a bottle...
just for you."
- Love, The Mississippi Mermaid
CLASSIFIED NOTICE // DECLASSIFIED FOR PUBLIC VIEWING
This release marks the first authorized disclosure of a living mermaid.
Evidence suggests the Mississippi Mermaid may constitute a hostile interspecies presence operating through psychological influence, narrative infection, and maternal persuasion rather than physical force.
To understand the ways of her 'people', she shares the first ever "mermaid manifesto"...
'Love, The Mississippi Mermaid'
This entity has revealed she is on a 'radical mission to love and to disrupt'.
This entity has not been evaluated by the FDA.
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